Jokes for everyone
1. Teacher : Bunty, why are you late to the class?
Bunty : I helped an old lady to cross the road.
Teacher : Good, but did it take you so long?
Bunty : The point is she don't want to cross the road.
2. Raju : Suresh, your father is a teacher, but your elder sister don't know a letter to read.
Suresh : So what? your father is a dentist and your little brother don't have a single tooth.
Kids joke
The kids were boasting about their respective fathers.
"My daddy bathes twice a week," said Mahesh.
"That's nothing," said Rohan. "My daddy bathes three times a week."
"Oh yeah," said Pramila, not wishing to be out-dad-died.
"My daddy keeps himself so clean he never has to take a bath."
Jokes galore
Mukesh : Would you like to come to my party on Saturday?
Akshay : Yes, I'd love to. What's the address?
Mukesh : Number four, New Street - just ring the bell with your elbow.
Akshay : Why can't I ring with my finger?
Mukesh : You're not coming empty-handed, are you?
Akshay : !!!!!!!!
2. John : How did you break your arm?
Michael : I followed my doctor's prescription.
John : How could you break your arm doing that?
Michael : It flew out of the window and I followed it.
Classroom jokes
1. Teacher : How long did Emperor Akbar rule?
Raju : From page 14 to 25, Sir.
2. Principal : Why are the students shouting?
Teacher : They are not shouting, Sir. They are only discussing the benefits of silence.
Fun and humor
1. Friend One (flying for the first time) :
Hey! The men below really look like ants from the plane.
Friend Two : You silly! We're yet to take off! They're really ants on the windowpane!
2. Wife (in a movie theatre) : How ridiculous! The man in front of us is asleep!
Husband : And you had to wake me up to tell me that?
Fly jokes
1. Ramu : Yesterday I killed five flies. Three of them were male and the rest were female.
Shamu : How did you know which were male and which female?
Ramu : That is very simple. The three were sitting on a
shaving kit and the rest two on a lipstick.
2. Ravi : What is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Ramu : Simple. A fly can fly, but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
Fun and cool
1. Rahul : My father once used to look very dark, but now he is very fair.
Raghu : How's that possible? Does he use any cream?
Rahul : No. Earlier he worked in a coal mine; now he works in a flour mill.
2. Rosy : I've changed my mind.
Lily : Does it work better than the previous one?
Witty minds
1. A father asked his son if he liked going to school. The son's reply was…
"Yes, I very much enjoy going to school and I like coming home
even better, but the thing in between is what I cannot stand at all.
2. Customer (in a shop) : Do you have colour TVs?
Man behind the counter : Sure
Customer : Give me a green one, please.
A place for humour
1. Neighbour : Ramu, what are you doing up there?
Ramu : I'm eating guavas, they are very sweet, Uncle.
Neighbour : Come down this moment! Your father will be angry.
Ramu : No, he won't.
Neighbour : Why?
Ramu : He's up there on another branch! He, too, is enjoying the guavas!
2. Anand : How can you eat an egg without breaking the shell?
Mohan : Ask someone else to break it for you.
Riddle nut
1. Where can you get the knowledge of a hen?
A. Hencyclopaedia
2. What do cows produce during an earthquake?
A. Milkshake
3. Where do elephants keep their dress?
A. Trunks
4. Which hat can't we wear?
A. Hattrick
5. Which cock does not sing?
A. Cockroach
Clean jokes
1. Ramesh: Doctor, what shall I do to reduce my weight? Everyone is teasing me.
Doctor: Do some exercises every morning
Doctor (1 month later): What exercise did you do?
Ramesh: I did horse-riding.
Doctor: And what were the results?
Ramesh: My weight went up by five kilos, and the horse's
weight decreased by five kilos.
2. Monu: Sunny, the days are getting hot. I think I must construct
a swimming pool. In what way can you help me?
Sunny: My friend, I can fill it up with water.
Tit for tat
Raghunath, the town's richest shopkeeper, was woken up at six in the morning by a series of urgent rings on his doorbell. Wondering what emergency it was that necessitated his being called at this unearthly hour, he rushed to the door and opened it, only to find a ragged beggar standing outside, whining, Alms, master!
Was it you who rang the bell? he asked, dazed.
"Yes", answered the beggar nonchalantly.
Raghunath gave vent to his fury, shouting, "Do you know what time it is, fellow? How dare you get me out of bed at this ungodly hour to beg for alms?"
"Look, mister, do I tell you what time you should open your shop? retorted the beggar. So, don't you tell me what time I should start my work!"
Son's gift
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their aged mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver". The third smiled and said, "I have beaten you both. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any longer. I sent her a unique parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took the Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom has just to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton, she wrote to one son, the house you built is huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald, she wrote to another, I'm too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald, she wrote to her third son, you've the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Cat scan
A man takes his obviously dead dog to the Veterinary doctor. He says to the doctor, " I think my dog is real sick. Would you please examine him and tell me what you think?" The doctor looks at the dog and says, "I'm very sorry Mr. Madhesh, but your dog is dead." The man implores, Are you sure doctor? Aren't there any tests so that you can be sure?Okay, says the doctor skeptically. He has his assistant bring in the office house cat. The cat proceeds to sniff the dog from nose to tail, jumps off the table and goes into the other room. The doctor says, Well, that confirms my diagnosis, Mr. Madhesh, your dog is no more. Regrettably, the doctor continues. And I'm really sorry to have to give you the bill for our services at such a sad time. The man looks at the bill and in shock says, Rs 300? Rs 300 to tell me my dog is dead??No, says the doctor, that is only Rs 50. The other Rs 250 is for the cat scan.
Smart reply
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 7th Standard class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he presented an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as any worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the teacher asked. Natwar, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely responded confidently, "If we drink whiskey we won't get worms."
