Bee jokes
1. What kind of bees hum and drop things?
A fumble bee!
2. What did the bee say to the flower?
Hello honey!
3. What's a bee-line?
The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!
4. What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?
Bee-thoven!
5. Where do bees keep their money?
In a honey box!
6. What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?
He's bee-witched!
Laugh, and the world laughs with you
1. Student: Madam, I don't think I deserve a zero for this paper.
Teacher: You're right. But there aren't any lower marks that I
can award you.
2. House owner is showing the house to a prospective tenant.
It is raining outside, and the roof leaks.
"Does the water always come through the roof like this?"
"No,no! only when it rains."
Interview
At an interview for the job of a fire engine officer:
Interviewer: You might have to carry injured people out during
accidents. How much weight can you carry?
Shakti: A hundred kilos.
Interviewer: Suppose there is an unconscious woman weighing
200 kilos. How would you rescue her?
Shakti: I'd make two trips.
Police dog
Reena: Look at that funny looking dog! What kind of a dog is that?
Beena: It's a police dog.
Reena: It doesn't look like one.
Beena: Of course not! It's in the Secret Service.
Native wit
Varsha is on a visit to a village for the first time.
Varsha asks a villager: Is this a healthy place?
Villager: Of course. Don't I look healthy? When I came here, I
couldn't speak a word; I could not even walk!
Varsha: What an improvement! How long have you been here?
Villager: I was born here.
Singing with feeling
Sanjay: Don't you think I sing with feeling?
Atul: No, if you have any feeling you wouldn't sing.
New kind of division
Teacher: What will you get if you divide eight by two?
Varsha: If we divide it vertically, we will get three. If we divide it
sideways, then we will get zero.
Speeding ticket
Policeman: I' m sorry, Sir, but I have to chalan you for driving 70
kilometres an hour.
Man: But that's impossible, I' ve only been driving for ten
minutes at the most.
Tricky Maths
1. What did the mathbook say to his troubled friend?
Sorry, I cant help you; I got too many problems of my own!
2. Math teacher: If you were 7 last year, how old will you be next year?
Kid: Nine
Math teacher: Impossible!
Kid: No it isn't teacher, I'm eight today!
3. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 apples
and 3 oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
Very Large Hands
Grin and bear it
1. How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the "S"!
2. Why did the man sleep with a ruler?
To see how long he could sleep.
3. How many men were born in 1996?
None, just babies were born!!
4. You are going to London. On the way you see 3 ladies. The 3
ladies see 8 cats. The 8 cats see 29 mice each. How many
people went to London?
One, yourself!
H for Humour
1. Customer : Waiter, there's a caterpillar on my salad
Waiter : Don't worry sir, there is no extra charge.
2. Mother : Why did you get such a low mark in that test?
Junior : Because of absence.
Mother : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Show me your smile
1. Teacher : Didn't you promise to behave?
Akash : Yes, sir.
Teacher : And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't.
Akash : Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.
2. Gita : Doctor, Doctor, my son has swallowed my pen. What shall I do?
Doctor : Use a pencil till I get there.
Laugh factory
1. At an evening party the guests were asked to take part in a
game in which everybody was to make a face, the one who
made the worst face to win the prize. It seemed as if all did
their worst. Then the judge went up to one woman who was
sitting off in a corner.
Judge : Madam, I think you've won the prize. Allow me to........
Woman : Sir, excuse me - I wasn't playing.
2. Teacher : What do you get if you add 4,657 and
7,854, then subtract 678 and divide the answer by 62?
Rinku : A headache!
Castle of grins
1. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked a small boy
sitting on the steps in front of a house.
"Yes, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him pass.
The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once,
then again. Still no one came to the door.
Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home."
The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."
1. What kind of bees hum and drop things?
A fumble bee!
2. What did the bee say to the flower?
Hello honey!
3. What's a bee-line?
The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!
4. What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?
Bee-thoven!
5. Where do bees keep their money?
In a honey box!
6. What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?
He's bee-witched!
Laugh, and the world laughs with you
1. Student: Madam, I don't think I deserve a zero for this paper.
Teacher: You're right. But there aren't any lower marks that I
can award you.
2. House owner is showing the house to a prospective tenant.
It is raining outside, and the roof leaks.
"Does the water always come through the roof like this?"
"No,no! only when it rains."
Interview
At an interview for the job of a fire engine officer:
Interviewer: You might have to carry injured people out during
accidents. How much weight can you carry?
Shakti: A hundred kilos.
Interviewer: Suppose there is an unconscious woman weighing
200 kilos. How would you rescue her?
Shakti: I'd make two trips.
Police dog
Reena: Look at that funny looking dog! What kind of a dog is that?
Beena: It's a police dog.
Reena: It doesn't look like one.
Beena: Of course not! It's in the Secret Service.
Native wit
Varsha is on a visit to a village for the first time.
Varsha asks a villager: Is this a healthy place?
Villager: Of course. Don't I look healthy? When I came here, I
couldn't speak a word; I could not even walk!
Varsha: What an improvement! How long have you been here?
Villager: I was born here.
Singing with feeling
Sanjay: Don't you think I sing with feeling?
Atul: No, if you have any feeling you wouldn't sing.
New kind of division
Teacher: What will you get if you divide eight by two?
Varsha: If we divide it vertically, we will get three. If we divide it
sideways, then we will get zero.
Speeding ticket
Policeman: I' m sorry, Sir, but I have to chalan you for driving 70
kilometres an hour.
Man: But that's impossible, I' ve only been driving for ten
minutes at the most.
Tricky Maths
1. What did the mathbook say to his troubled friend?
Sorry, I cant help you; I got too many problems of my own!
2. Math teacher: If you were 7 last year, how old will you be next year?
Kid: Nine
Math teacher: Impossible!
Kid: No it isn't teacher, I'm eight today!
3. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 apples
and 3 oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
Very Large Hands
Grin and bear it
1. How do you make seven an even number?
Remove the "S"!
2. Why did the man sleep with a ruler?
To see how long he could sleep.
3. How many men were born in 1996?
None, just babies were born!!
4. You are going to London. On the way you see 3 ladies. The 3
ladies see 8 cats. The 8 cats see 29 mice each. How many
people went to London?
One, yourself!
H for Humour
1. Customer : Waiter, there's a caterpillar on my salad
Waiter : Don't worry sir, there is no extra charge.
2. Mother : Why did you get such a low mark in that test?
Junior : Because of absence.
Mother : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Show me your smile
1. Teacher : Didn't you promise to behave?
Akash : Yes, sir.
Teacher : And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't.
Akash : Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.
2. Gita : Doctor, Doctor, my son has swallowed my pen. What shall I do?
Doctor : Use a pencil till I get there.
Laugh factory
1. At an evening party the guests were asked to take part in a
game in which everybody was to make a face, the one who
made the worst face to win the prize. It seemed as if all did
their worst. Then the judge went up to one woman who was
sitting off in a corner.
Judge : Madam, I think you've won the prize. Allow me to........
Woman : Sir, excuse me - I wasn't playing.
2. Teacher : What do you get if you add 4,657 and
7,854, then subtract 678 and divide the answer by 62?
Rinku : A headache!
Castle of grins
1. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked a small boy
sitting on the steps in front of a house.
"Yes, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him pass.
The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once,
then again. Still no one came to the door.
Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home."
The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."
