Laugh-a-riot
1. Ant: What is your age?
Elephant: My age is 5 years.
Ant: Such a young age and such a huge body.
Elephant: Tan Kee Shakti, Man Ki Shakti, Bournvita!!
Ant: Ok
Elephant: What is your age?
Ant: My age is 18 Years.
Elephant:18 years and such a small body looks as if you
are very young
Ant: Fair and Lovely lagao aur apni umar chhupao!!
2. Lawyer: Four witnesses have seen you steal the cow, but
you still do not admit.
Thief: Sir, I can produce a hundred witnesses who have not
seen me stealing the cow.
3. Judge-What do you do?
Prisoner-This & that
Judge-Where do you live?
Prisoner-Here& there
Judge (to policeman)-Arrest him.
Prisoner-When will I come out?Judge-Sooner or later
4. Man: Doctor, whenever I drink my coffee, I get a sharp pain in
my eye. What should I do?
Doctor: Just remove the spoon from your cup.
5. Teacher: Why is honesty the best policy?
Student: Because there is hardly any competition.
6. A man was struggling to get a table out of his house. His
neighbour saw this and asked him, "Why are you taking that
table out of your house?"
The man replies "I have to take it to the shop to buy a
tablecloth of its size".
Any rhyme or reason?
Why is it called a TV "set" if there's only one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
How can you "draw a blank"?
Why are stadium seating areas called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost collide it's called a 'near miss'. Shouldn't it be called a 'near hit'?
Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
Ever notice that PRICE and WORTH mean about the same thing, but priceless and worthless are opposites?
Why is it when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, and when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
LOL
1. The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?
"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
2. What is the cannibals favorite game?
Swallow the leader
3. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
4. Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"
5. "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse ?"
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down !"
Grins and Guffaws
1. The twins, Rishi and Sashi, were fighting in the playground. Mother separated them and said sternly, "You mustn't behave like that! You must learn to give and take.""We did, mummy!" replied Rishi."He took my toy and so I gave him a whack."
2. A man riding a donkey came across another riding a horse. He quickly got down and asked, "Would you like to exchange your horse for my donkey?"
"Do I look like a fool?" asked the other.
"No, but I hoped you were one!"
3. Shopkeeper to boy: Be careful with the packet.
And make sure that you go straight home from here.
Boy: I can't, I live just round the corner!
School jokes
1. Student 1 to Student 2 with a foreign look : What nationality are you?
Student 1 : I'm an Ice cube!
Student 2 : What's that?
Student1 : My mother was born in Iceland and my father was born in Cuba!
2. Teacher: Who is your favourite author?
Student : George Washington.
Teacher: But George Washington never wrote any books.
Student :That's why he's my favourite.
Laughter - Medicine to weary bones
1. Teacher: Where's your pencil, Sonu?
Sonu: I no have any!
Teacher: NO, that's wrong English. You must say, I don't
have a pencil. She doesn't have a pencil, he doesn't have a
pencil, they do not have a pencil, we do not have a pencil…
Sonu: Why? Where have all the pencils gone?
2. Teacher: Sruti, spell a mouse.
Sruti: M-O-U-S.
Teacher: You've almost got it right. What comes at the end?
Sruti: The mouse's tail!
3. Girl to the clerk at the post office counter:
Thanks for the stamp. Should I stick it on myself?
Clerk: No, stick it on the letter.
4. Father: Everything is going up. The prices of food items; the
charges for electricity; the taxes I pay. If only something would
come down…
Son: Don't worry, father, there's something that's coming
down.
Father: What's that?
Son: The marks in my report card.
Kid's proverbs
Strike while the... Bug is close
Never underestimate the power of........Termites
You can lead a horse to water but........how?
The pen is mightier than the........Pigs
Where there's smoke there's.......Pollution
Two's company, three's..............The Musketeers
1. Ant: What is your age?
Elephant: My age is 5 years.
Ant: Such a young age and such a huge body.
Elephant: Tan Kee Shakti, Man Ki Shakti, Bournvita!!
Ant: Ok
Elephant: What is your age?
Ant: My age is 18 Years.
Elephant:18 years and such a small body looks as if you
are very young
Ant: Fair and Lovely lagao aur apni umar chhupao!!
2. Lawyer: Four witnesses have seen you steal the cow, but
you still do not admit.
Thief: Sir, I can produce a hundred witnesses who have not
seen me stealing the cow.
3. Judge-What do you do?
Prisoner-This & that
Judge-Where do you live?
Prisoner-Here& there
Judge (to policeman)-Arrest him.
Prisoner-When will I come out?Judge-Sooner or later
4. Man: Doctor, whenever I drink my coffee, I get a sharp pain in
my eye. What should I do?
Doctor: Just remove the spoon from your cup.
5. Teacher: Why is honesty the best policy?
Student: Because there is hardly any competition.
6. A man was struggling to get a table out of his house. His
neighbour saw this and asked him, "Why are you taking that
table out of your house?"
The man replies "I have to take it to the shop to buy a
tablecloth of its size".
Any rhyme or reason?
Why is it called a TV "set" if there's only one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
How can you "draw a blank"?
Why are stadium seating areas called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost collide it's called a 'near miss'. Shouldn't it be called a 'near hit'?
Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
Ever notice that PRICE and WORTH mean about the same thing, but priceless and worthless are opposites?
Why is it when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, and when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
LOL
1. The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?
"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
2. What is the cannibals favorite game?
Swallow the leader
3. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
4. Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"
5. "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse ?"
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down !"
Grins and Guffaws
1. The twins, Rishi and Sashi, were fighting in the playground. Mother separated them and said sternly, "You mustn't behave like that! You must learn to give and take.""We did, mummy!" replied Rishi."He took my toy and so I gave him a whack."
2. A man riding a donkey came across another riding a horse. He quickly got down and asked, "Would you like to exchange your horse for my donkey?"
"Do I look like a fool?" asked the other.
"No, but I hoped you were one!"
3. Shopkeeper to boy: Be careful with the packet.
And make sure that you go straight home from here.
Boy: I can't, I live just round the corner!
School jokes
1. Student 1 to Student 2 with a foreign look : What nationality are you?
Student 1 : I'm an Ice cube!
Student 2 : What's that?
Student1 : My mother was born in Iceland and my father was born in Cuba!
2. Teacher: Who is your favourite author?
Student : George Washington.
Teacher: But George Washington never wrote any books.
Student :That's why he's my favourite.
Laughter - Medicine to weary bones
1. Teacher: Where's your pencil, Sonu?
Sonu: I no have any!
Teacher: NO, that's wrong English. You must say, I don't
have a pencil. She doesn't have a pencil, he doesn't have a
pencil, they do not have a pencil, we do not have a pencil…
Sonu: Why? Where have all the pencils gone?
2. Teacher: Sruti, spell a mouse.
Sruti: M-O-U-S.
Teacher: You've almost got it right. What comes at the end?
Sruti: The mouse's tail!
3. Girl to the clerk at the post office counter:
Thanks for the stamp. Should I stick it on myself?
Clerk: No, stick it on the letter.
4. Father: Everything is going up. The prices of food items; the
charges for electricity; the taxes I pay. If only something would
come down…
Son: Don't worry, father, there's something that's coming
down.
Father: What's that?
Son: The marks in my report card.
Kid's proverbs
Strike while the... Bug is close
Never underestimate the power of........Termites
You can lead a horse to water but........how?
The pen is mightier than the........Pigs
Where there's smoke there's.......Pollution
Two's company, three's..............The Musketeers
